


The Power of the Written Word

by Thai_Tea_Addict



Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: E-mail, E-mail Format, Gen, but don't you dare think they're professional, these are wrecks of human beings disguised as professionals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-29
Updated: 2019-08-29
Packaged: 2020-09-29 00:11:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20434805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thai_Tea_Addict/pseuds/Thai_Tea_Addict
Summary: Work emails are where Heero's true colors really shine."From: h.yuy.01@prev.govHello, contrived attempts at commiserating with your fellow man-"((Based off/inspired by a Tumblr post))





	The Power of the Written Word

**Author's Note:**

> **A/N**: All of the greetings Heero uses are from this [Tumblr post](https://disposablebicycle.tumblr.com/post/177732228665/freelancing-in-technical-theater-means-youre-on-a). 
> 
> Inspired by [DoctorMegalomania's HC](https://janaverse.tumblr.com/post/187335075423/freelancing-in-technical-theater-means-youre-on-a). 
> 
> **Disclaimer**: I do not own Gundam Wing.

**The Power of the Written Word**

* * *

**From**: h.yuy.01@prev.gov

**To**: d.maxwell.02@prev.gov

**CC**: t.barton.03@prev.gov, q.winner.04@prev.gov, w.chang.05@prev.gov

**Subject**: Case File #R00213

Hello, future beneficiaries of my mismanaged life insurance-

All mission reports for case #R00213 have been submitted for review this afternoon. Any subsequent requests for help with mental health and well-being outside the purview of standard Preventers procedure have been denied.

Une would also like me to remind you – specifically you, Duo – that “being blasted with an assload of glitter like I got attacked by the wrong end of a unicorn” is not a legitimate health concern.

01

**From**: d.maxwell.02@prev.gov

**To**: h.yuy.01@prev.gov

**Subject**: RE: Case File #R00213

Y’all are going to have to wear sunglasses indoors to even look in my direction for the next week then!!

**From**: w.chang.05@prev.gov

**To**: h.yuy.01@prev.gov

**Subject**: RE: Case File #R00213

Yuy what the fuck.

**From**: q.winner.04@prev.gov

**To**: h.yuy.01@prev.gov

**Subject**: RE: Case File #R00213

Heero, your life insurance is with Preventers, isn’t it? If you believe it’s being mismanaged, I can find suitable alternatives for you. Please let me know.

**From**: une@prev.gov

**To**: h.yuy.01@prev.gov

**Subject**: I know this is your fault

Yuy, why is Winner bullying our life insurance supplier?

* * *

**From**: h.yuy.01@prev.gov

**To**: l.noin.09@prev.gov

**CC**: s.po.med@prev.gov, une@prev.gov, d.maxwell.02@prev.gov, t.barton.03@prev.gov, q.winner.04@prev.gov, w.chang.05@prev.gov,...

**Subject**: Holiday Party

Hello, future plaintiffs in the suit of my undoing-

I’ve attached the volunteer list below. Please indicate what you will be bringing.

01

**From**: s.po.med@prev.gov

**To**: h.yuy.01@prev.gov

**Subject**: RE: Holiday Party

Is Secret Santa still on? I’ve found the perfect gift for it.

**From**: w.chang.05@prev.gov

**To**: h.yuy.01@prev.gov

**Subject**: RE: Holiday Party

YUY USE STANDARD SALUTATIONS IN YOUR EMAILS.

**From**: l.noin.09@prev.gov

**To**: h.yuy.01@prev.gov

**Subject**: RE: Holiday Party

Secret Santa is cancelled because I just passed Sally’s desk and saw her cackling over a picture of a knitted ballsack. I can’t. I just can’t.

* * *

**From**: h.yuy.01@prev.gov

**To**: d.maxwell.02@prev.gov

**CC**: t.barton.03@prev.gov, q.winner.04@prev.gov, w.chang.05@prev.gov, s.po.med@prev.gov, l.noin.09@prev.gov,...

**Subject**: Office Supplies – STOP!

Hello, contrived attempts at commiserating with your fellow man-

The office managers have sent me a report regarding the increasing theft of office supplies, particularly of pens, duct tape, glue, whiteboard markers, and cat food. The last one is especially surprising because cat food is not part of the office supply budget. Barton, stop lying to the office managers, and you now owe $410.67.

01

**From**: t.barton.03@prev.gov

**To**: h.yuy.01@prev.gov

**Subject**: RE: Office Supplies – STOP!

Viva la fuck you

**From**: d.maxwell.02@prev.gov

**To**: h.yuy.01@prev.gov

**Subject**: RE: Office Supplies – STOP!

I NEED MRE GLUE MY PAER MACJE DEAYJSCYTHE IS ALMOST DONE TEN I CN START WING ALSO ALSO MY FUNERS ARE GETIING TSTUCK TO HE KEYBOARD

* * *

**From**: h.yuy.01@prev.gov

**To**: w.chang.05@prev.gov

**Subject**: Nothing to say?

Hello, synthetic animal protein best enjoyed straight from the nozzle-

Have you come to accept me for who I am?

**From**: w.chang.05@prev.gov

**To**: h.yuy.01@prev.gov

**Subject**: RE: Nothing to say?

I refuse to acknowledge you unless you start addressing people normally.

**From**: h.yuy.01@prev.gov

**To**: w.chang.05@prev.gov

**Subject**: RE: RE: Nothing to say?

It sounds like someone doesn’t want a paper-mache Altron.

**From**: w.chang.05@prev.gov

**To**: h.yuy.01@prev.gov

**Subject**: RE: RE: RE: Nothing to say?

You give me Nataku and I’ll tell you where Barton is hiding your lucky boxers.

* * *

**From**: h.yuy.01@prev.gov

**To**: d.maxwell.02@prev.gov

**CC**: t.barton.03@prev.gov, q.winner.04@prev.gov, w.chang.05@prev.gov, s.po.med@prev.gov, l.noin.09@prev.gov,...

**Subject**: Weekly Office Newsletter

Hello, humans and one anteater who thinks he’s passing-

The weekly office newsletter is being changed to bi-weekly (once every 2 weeks) and will now be overseen by Agent Winner. Any complaints can be sent to the nearest trash can.

01

**From**: zm.mp.06@prev.gov

**To**: h.yuy.01@prev.gov

**Subject**: RE: Weekly Office Newsletter

What is this? What does it mean? Yuy, I already apologized… If you’re still angry at me about Libra, I understand and we can talk it out. Calling me an anteater is a bit immature.

**From**: w.chang.05@prev.gov

**To**: h.yuy.01@prev.gov

**Subject**: RE: Weekly Office Newsletter

Yes hello I love to eat yummy ants _slurp slurrrp slurrrrp_

**From**: w.chang.05@prev.gov

**To**: h.yuy.01@prev.gov

**Subject**: RE: Weekly Office Newsletter

DISREGARD LAST EMAIL. MAXWELL HACKED ACCT AGAIN. I’M STILL IGNORING YOU.

* * *

**From**: h.yuy.01@prev.gov

**To**: d.maxwell.02@prev.gov

**CC**: t.barton.03@prev.gov, q.winner.04@prev.gov, w.chang.05@prev.gov, s.po.med@prev.gov, l.noin.09@prev.gov,...

**Subject**: Community Building Exercise – MANDATORY ATTENDANCE

Hello, pink kimonos I’ll never be brave enough to wear-

This is your reminder that the community-building exercise is this weekend. As a reminder, because I know only Quatre and Wufei read these emails thoroughly, the exercise will be held at the Bluehorn Campgrounds, and that you are responsible for providing your own sleeping bags and tents. If you do not bring a sleeping bag, you will then be left to fend for yourself on the cold, hard dirt, and will be the first to be eaten by a hungry bear.

01

**From**: d.maxwell.02@prev.gov

**To**: h.yuy.01@prev.gov

**Subject**: RE: Community Building Exercise – MANDATORY ATTENDANCE

Promise?

**From**: t.barton.03@prev.gov

**To**: h.yuy.01@prev.gov

**Subject**: RE: Community Building Exercise – MANDATORY ATTENDANCE

Oh?

**From**: h.yuy.01@prev.gov

**To**: d.maxwell.02@prev.gov

**CC**: t.barton.03@prev.gov

**Subject**: RE: RE: Community Building Exercise – MANDATORY ATTENDANCE

Not that kind of bear.

* * *

**From**: h.yuy.01@prev.gov

**To**: d.maxwell.02@prev.gov

**CC**: t.barton.03@prev.gov, q.winner.04@prev.gov, w.chang.05@prev.gov, s.po.med@prev.gov, l.noin.09@prev.gov,...

**Subject**: Community Building Exercise – Results

Hello, malfunctioning kitchen implements trying to reinvent themselves as other machines-

That is the 7th public park we have been banned from. Three more and we get a free sundae.

01

**From**: une@prev.gov

**To**: h.yuy.01@prev.gov

**Subject**: RE: Community Building Exercise – Results

It’s a good thing Winner got you a better life insurance policy BECAUSE I’M GOING TO FUCKING END YOU.

**From**: d.maxwell.02@prev.gov

**To**: h.yuy.01@prev.gov

**Subject**: RE: Community Building Exercise – Results

:)

**From**: t.barton.03@prev.gov

**To**: h.yuy.01@prev.gov

**Subject**: RE: Community Building Exercise – Results

:)

**From**: q.winner.04@prev.gov

**To**: h.yuy.01@prev.gov

**Subject**: RE: Community Building Exercise – Results

:)

**From**: w.chang.05@prev.gov

**To**: h.yuy.01@prev.gov

**Subject**: RE: Community Building Exercise – Results

:)

* * *

**From**: h.yuy.01@prev.gov

**To**: l.noin.09@prev.gov

**CC**: s.po.med@prev.gov, zm.mp.06@prev.gov, une@prev.gov

**Subject**: Vacation – Mandatory

Hello, involuntary subscribers to whatever hellish newsletter this is-

I will be taking a (forced) vacation and will be out of office for the next two weeks. Agent Noin will be handling any emergencies that may occur during my absence. I will be impossible to find. Do not contact me. Do not say my name. Do not think about me late at night when the cold and the loneliness start to weigh on you.

For cataclysmic emergencies, please contact Rashid. Agent Winner will leave his contact information with Agent Po.

01

* * *

**From**: w.chang.05@prev.gov

**To**: h.yuy.01@prev.gov

**CC**: d.maxwell.02@prev.gov, t.barton.03@prev.gov, q.winner.04@prev.gov

**Subject**: Vacation Plans

Hello, material witnesses to Heero Yuy’s assassination-

Don’t forget to bring your swim trunks and at least 3 different fake passports.

05

**From**: h.yuy.01@prev.gov w.chang.05@prev.gov

**To**: w.chang.05@prev.gov

**Subject**: RE: Vacation Plans

…. I don’t like that salutation.

**Author's Note:**

> **A/N**: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


End file.
